Hillbilly Holiday, 2005 — Schedule: Days 1 and 2

May 31st, 2005 at 11:01 pm (East Tennessee and The South, Travel)

This here’s the Hillbilly Holiday, 2005 Tentative Schedule. All times and events subject to change at the whim of any party involved.

It’s a vacation! Relax.

Day 1 — Arrival

Get to the Mountain Spirit at Shagbark Resort in Pigeon Forge, TN sometime after 4:00. Proceed to chill. Maybe stock up on some vittles. If you’re just wanting gas or snacks, you should go to either Weigel’s, an East Tennessee original, or Pilot, now based in Knoxville. For a bigger selection, we do have actual grocery stores. Alas, there is no Piggly Wiggly in or around Pigeon Forge, so you’ll have to make do with “the Kroger.”

Eat pig parts. Argue about schedule for upcoming week.

Day 2 — Dollywood

Start the week off right by eating some pig parts for breakfast. You should probably include some biscuits, too, just to fit in. If you’re really feeling it, slop some gravy on there.

Dollywood opens at 10:00 and closes at 7:00, but you can get there a bit early and catch an early ride on the tram to get a jump on things. Say howdy to Stumpy the tram driver if you’re lucky enough to get him.

Once inside, go immediately to the Dollywood Express Train Depot, if you or your youngin’s are into trains, and make an appointment to ride with the engineer later in the day:

Dollywood Express — The engineer sounds the whistle and your mountain excursion is under way. Our authentic 110-ton coal-fired steam engine takes you on a breathtaking five-mile journey through the foothills of the Great Smoky Mountains where you’ll enjoy pastoral scenery and some of the most beautiful views that nature has to offer.

Then (or otherwise), head to the most popular rides and get as many in as you can before the crowds pick up. You can take the youngin’s to the County Fair area, where there’s a whole bunch of rides and stuff for the little ones. There are also also rides for older kids and folks here, too. But try to squeeze in as many of the following big-time rides as you can before lunch.

Don’t Miss Rides

Thrill Rides

The Thunderhead® — An old sawmill once moved lumber out of the mountains at Thunderhead Gap. Wood is still the focus, but now the operation known as the Thunderhead is the wildest ride in the woods! Carefully situated between two mountains, this massive wooden coaster stands tall among the mighty trees and takes advantage of the area’s rough and tumble terrain to create a daring ride featuring a 100-foot drop and a top speed of 55 mph.

Blazing Fury — A fire is just minutes away from engulfing this 1880s town. If you choose to ride, you’re instantly recruited to battle this mighty blaze. Help calm the chaos as you climb aboard this indoor roller coaster that screams through town taking each hill and every curve with great speed. Soon, it’s apparent that the only way to douse the flames is water—and plenty of it!

Water Rides

It might be best to wait on these until a bit later in the day — when it’s warmer and when you don’t have to walk around in sloshing britches for as long. Then again, the lines are a bit longer then, too.

Daredevil Falls — Only a real daredevil will venture into an abandoned logging camp for a one-of-a-kind boat expedition. If you’re up to the challenge, let our adventurous guides help you navigate your way through some close calls with the bears and the old left behind lumber machinery. But, just when you catch your breath, your boat careens over a waterfall down a 60-foot drop at a heart-racing 60 mph!

Smoky Mountain River Rampage — It’s Dollywood’s own Smoky Mountain white water rafting adventure, full of exciting dips, twists and turns. Each raft ride is a unique experience as you brave the rapids, but the white water leaves no passenger untouched. Count on a good soaking!

Mountain Slidewinder — The Mountain Slidewinder is situated in an authentic mountain setting. You’ll climb through the actual mountain terrain to board this water toboggan thriller that literally slides down the mountainside along high-banked curves at breathtaking speeds. Let there be no doubt: you will get wet on this ride!

Lunchtime

Don’t eat lunch at lunch time because everybody eats lunch at lunch time. Instead, around noon, have a snack. Try the fried green tomatoes. Or the pork rinds. Or the sweet kettle corn. Or the deep fried twinkie. You get the idea. Snack up and get in line for a water ride (save the soakers like the Slidewinder and the River Rampage for later) while everybody else is in line to eat.

Afternoon

Okay, now that you’re wet, you should go find a place to sit in the sun where you can dry out and feed your face. I like The Hickory House BBQ, and Angela likes Apple Jack’s Sandwich Shop. For some bonus fun at no additional cost, stand back and watch us resolve this matter. The kids might prefer Red’s Diner (a Fifties burger and a shake place) or Victoria’s Pizza.

After eating, catch one of the shows:

Don’t Miss Shows

Heartsong® — In this multi-sensory film experience, Dolly Parton takes you on a breathtaking journey through the Great Smoky Mountains as she shares her story about a place very near and dear to her heart.

Kingdom Heirs — It’s southern gospel music at its finest as Dollywood’s own award-winning quartet the Kingdom Heirs lift your spirits with beautiful four-part harmonies as they sing ageless gospel standards along with their own chart-topping hits.

After that, take a trip on the Dollywood Express and catch David Tallent’s Magic Show afterwards. The magic show is really just a commercial for the magic store, but it’s entertaining nonetheless. Have one of the kids sit in the front row, stage right. And then watch out for Rascal. He’s a . . . rascal.

At some point, you should take the littlest ones to the Treehouse:

Let your imagination run wild as you explore America’s largest interactive treehouse full of kid-powered games, gadgets, and gizmos for all ages. Discover what’s abuzz in the three-level Beehive featuring 50,000 foam “bee” balls or cool off with jumping fountains and water blasters in Bullfrog Creek.

Most of all, though, take your time and stop to enjoy all of the gems scattered about along the way. When it’s close to closing time, decide whether you want to take advantage of the price break for adding a second day to your ticket. Then try to find Stumpy and get a ride back to your car.

Dinner Time

Before heading back to the Mountain Spirit, head to the Applewood Farmhouse Grill:

A long time ago Apple Valley Road, which runs along-side Applewood Farmhouse Restaurant was the main road between Sevierville and Gatlinburg. Across the river, you can still see the faint tracks where horse-drawn wagons forded the Little Pigeon River. The original farmhouse on this site burned, and in 1921 was replaced by a six-room house, which stands as the centerpiece of the restaurant. You can still see the wonderful built-in oak furniture in the original dining and living room.

In 1972, the Bon Hicks family and the Bill Kilpatrick family bought the 65 acre property from Roger Mullendore and operated it as a beef cattle and burley tobacco farm until 1976-1978 when they started to put it into apple orchards.In 1986, the Hicks and the Kilpatricks called upon Stokely Hospitality Enterprises which manages Gatlinburg’s finest restaurants like the Burning Bush and the Brass Lantern to create Applewood Farmhouse Restaurant by expanding the original farmhouse. Surrounded by orchards, you will find that the “Apple is King.” The story doesn’t end there because the fruits of that orchard also included the addition of The Applewood Farmhouse Grill, where you can taste the tradition.

Here’s the menu.

Now. Back to the Mountain Spirit for some home-spun fun and games.

And sleep.

Lots of sleep.

After all, tomorrow’s another day.